After 10 years of marriage, we had everything we could possible have wanted in the material world (wish now we had put more into our retirement accounts!): plenty of money, good jobs, multiple homes, jewelry, vacations, cars, even a plane. There was something missing in our lives and I’m sure you have guessed that it was children. We had prevented pregnancy for the first 5 years we were married, half-heartedly tried for the next 2 and got serious only after being married for 8 years. We did the whole infertility thing, insemination, IVF, both my husband and I had unnecessary surgeries. We were included in a small percentage of people who were told there was no medical reason for our inability to get pregnant; much more frustrating than knowing why. In September of 1989 we made the decision to adopt, met with an adoption attorney who introduced us to our birthmother 2 weeks later. Our son had been conceived in July, long before we even knew we were going to do this very special thing. Anyone who tells you they don’t believe in fate needs to hear our story!
Linda was a married woman with 2 boys ages 9 and 5. She was unable to take birth control pills and had experienced one abortion. She told me she woke up everyday with the memory and the regret of that decision and could not do it again. She and her husband were having marital problems and were separated and Linda felt she could not raise 3 children properly on her own. Adoption, she felt, was her best option and in my opinion, the most selfless. She and her husband reconciled during the pregnancy and we had an incredibly wonderful “handoff” on a beautiful day in March of 1990 when our son Nick was born.
Linda didn’t feel she or her family should have a role in our lives on a daily basis so the last time we saw her was when she was discharged from the hospital. For several years we communicated at the holidays with letters and photos until she moved on, both in her marriage and her address. We lost touch when my son was 7 years old, I think it was her way of saying she knew she had done the right thing and she was happy with her decision.
Nick has been a handful to say the least, but a blessing no question about it. We love him deeply; adoptive parents want to be parents so badly that they become the best parents you will ever know. Do I feel any differently about my boy than I would if I had carried him for 9 months or nursed him? Jokingly, yes, I would probably resent the pounds gained and never lost and the droopy breasts! But seriously, not even for a second do we think about any differences nor can we imagine our lives without him. Nick is away at college now and we miss him everyday. We remember again why we got married years ago and we thank God he is having a ball and becoming an adult all at the same time. We are all very blessed and hope the same for you.